


find my one in a million

by owilde



Category: Black Mirror
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Romance, Stream of Consciousness, Time Loop, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, i had an unexpected amount of feelings about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 01:17:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17214323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owilde/pseuds/owilde
Summary: Colin.It’s Colin, yeah?And it was. It was Colin. Stefan knew, in his heart, in his mind, tucked into his genes – it was Colin.





	find my one in a million

**Author's Note:**

> Not _quite_ sure what this is. Where was the romance option, though. I needed it.
> 
> Title from MIIA's "Dynasty."

Stefan needed to finish the game. He knew this, somewhere in the back of his mind, like it was vital – like it was the only thing that really, truly mattered. If he could just finish this, everything would be alright. He’d be alright. Everything depended on this – it was, he thought, the core of the Earth, for this moment in time.

In this time, at least. In this time, Stefan was hunched over his computer, clicking away with a small furrow between his brows that seemed permanently etched there. In this time, his tea had gone cold hours ago, and his father was downstairs watching the telly and silently worrying over him.

He leaned away and picked up his pen, furiously writing down pathways and choices, realities that appeared and disappeared and collapsed and _mingled_ –

He blinked, and noticed he’d written COLIN in the middle of the paper, block letters and underlining and all. It led from nothing and to nothing. It was an independent island in the middle of the time stream.

Stefan blinked again, and he was in Colin’s apartment, taking the tea he somehow intrinsically knew was spiked. _No,_ he thought, his mind flashing back to flailing limbs and crushed bones – _no, not again, why are we here again?_

Still, he brought the cup to his lips and took a sip, not in control but somehow still aware. He was a puppet being strewn across the universe, controlled by someone or something he didn’t understand.

Stefan wasn’t sure what had happened, would happen, or hadn’t happened at all. He was aware of a maze – his mind was a maze, and Bandersnatch was a maze, and the room around him was morphing into a pathway.

He stood up and followed the trail. Colin was talking in the background, a constant stream of words stringed together, little of which made a lot of sense, or even the least bit. Stefan listened in and out, reaching for shapes and creating his own. He waved his hand, and colours followed – bright and beautiful.

And when he turned around, he saw them reflected on Colin’s face as well, basking him in a neon glow. The path lead to him – it always had, Stefan realized with a start. This had always been about Colin.

Colin Ritman, the renowned game programmer and an absolute madman; The Colin Ritman with a capital T; the Colin Ritman he’d never met but had always admired from afar; Colin Ritman, yeah, that’s him right over there, wanna say hi–

Colin. _It’s Colin, yeah?_

And it was. It was Colin. Stefan knew, in his heart, in his mind, tucked into his genes – it was Colin.

He walked over, closer, too close. Their noses pressed against each other. Stefan tried to look Colin in the eye, tried to read him, but he was written in a different language entirely. Colin wasn’t of this world – Colin was from all over all at once, like him, caught in a moment of pause for now.

“Stefan,” Colin said, tilting his head marginally, barely noticeably. “Do you see, now? Have I shown you?”

“Yes,” Stefan whispered. “I see all of it. There’s… there are paths, but there’s no single destination. None of this leads anywhere. We’re just trapped in a cycle, how do we– how do we break out of the cycle, Colin?”

“Have you ever tried?” Colin asked, his eyes flickering towards Stefan’s lips, and then back. “We’ve been here before. I think we’ve been here more than a few times, I reckon. Have you ever tried?”

Stefan shook his head. “Do you want me to? Or should we jump?”

Colin shrugged. “I’m good either way.” Cars tooted their horns somewhere in the distance. “You’ll go back. It’s a game over.”

“Is it?” Stefan inched closer. “What if you’re the goal?”

Colin seemed to disagree – he opened his mouth to argue, frown already set in place, but Stefan pre-emptively silenced him by surging closer for a kiss.

For a second, everything flickered, and the world around them shuffled – they were in space, then in Stefan’s bedroom, then they were in the train, 8:45, they were somewhere completely new, Colin had his arms around Stefan’s waist and his lips on his, and Stefan couldn’t think or care or even really exist–

It all stuttered to a stop, and they were back on the balcony.

Stefan withdrew, only a hair’s breath away, his breathing uneven and his hands trembling a little. “Haven’t tried that before,” he confirmed weakly. “I think it would’ve stuck in my mind if I had.”

“Yes,” Colin agreed. His eyes were closed, still. He leaned his forehead against Stefan’s. “Didn’t fix it, though, did it? So, which one will it be this time? Or do we go together?”

Stefan pursed his lips. It wasn’t fair – if he was trapped in a loop, a cycle of entertainment for someone else, someone who could always leave and return on their own accord, throw him on a different path – if he was trapped, what was the point?

This didn’t feel like it had been on the path, though. This felt different. This felt… new.

Stefan laced their fingers, squeezing tight. “Come on,” he said. “It’ll go back, and I’ll do something different – I’ll go see Dr. Haynes, alright, and then you’ll be back, because you have to be, and we’ll do something different again. Alright?”

Colin opened his eyes and took a deep breath. The night air was cold, biting into their exposed skin. “Alright,” he agreed quietly. “Together?”

Stefan nodded. They sat on the ledge, side by side, hands still clasped tight. Stefan closed his eyes. He could feel his heart thrumming, could feel the adrenaline and high pumping in his veins. He was invincible – he could survive this, and anything else, and he could break free and finish Bandersnatch and not kill his father and have Colin and bring his mum back–

“Free falling,” Colin said, and then they went down.

Stefan opened his eyes from the car.

A different song was playing from the radio. His father slammed the door shut, and Stefan got out as well, a small smile playing on his lips.

It was a different song.

“Stefan?” His father asked, frowning at him. “You’ll go see Dr. Haynes, won’t you?”

Stefan glanced to his left, feeling his heart stumble as he caught a glimpse of Colin, walking away. He turned to look back over his shoulder. Their eyes met – Colin winked, quick enough for Stefan to believe he could’ve imagined it – and then he was gone, swallowed by the crowd.

“Yeah,” he said, tearing his eyes away. He smiled at his father, who’s frown deepened. “Although, I think everything’s turning out alright, this time.”


End file.
